Friday, July 25, 2014

Let's Get Personal


I don't often do reflective posts because I don't think anyone gives a shit hoot, but today I'm getting personal so deal with it. The big 3-0 is coming…DEEP BREATH...(sorry to my many friends who have crossed the threshold)…& it's impossible not to look back at the last 29.5 years of my life & ask myself a load of big personal questions & some not so important smaller questions.

Am I happy with who I've become?

Am I where I thought I would be professionally? 

Am I where I thought I would be emotionally?

Have I been a good daughter/sister/friend/partner?

Have I learned anything from my many many mistakes?

As if these weren't exhausting questions, what about the next 30?

What do I want to accomplish?

Will I decide I really don't want kids or will I change my mind?

Will I ever stop saying "it's OK" when someone apologizes for something that clearly isn't OK?

Will I ever lose those pesky 5 10 lbs?

Oye.

To answer the first half: I think so, yes, yes, almost, I hope, definitely yes.  There…that wasn't so hard.  While I should elaborate, I want to focus on what I've learned so I can make the most out of the next 30. Truthfully, do I care about turning 30? Nah, not really. I'm actually excited for this next chapter of my life because overall my life has just consistently gotten better over time.  I have grown up & finally learned to let go of things that just simply don't matter.  I no longer care if I'm not everyones best friend. I no longer care if people don't like me.  I no longer care if I (sometimes) stay in on the weekend & become a hermit.  I no longer care what people from high school think of me.  I no longer care what my old boyfriends are doing with their lives. I simply don't want to waste any more time or energy caring about things that don't matter.

This new way of thinking is going to seriously be tested as I start work up again. This season I am in a new position & it is going to be incredibly challenging & slightly terrifying. It's SO easy to get wrapped up in work & think that if a show isn't going well, I suck at my job, my boss is disappointed, I'm going to get fired & my life is over.  This isn't actually true, but I will need to remind myself work isn't EVERYTHING on a daily basis. Now, will I continue to work my ass off? OF COURSE because I want to do well for ME & to prove to MYSELF I can do it.  Plus, who wants to suck at their job??

So, instead of making some type of bucket list for all the things I want to accomplish/do in my 30s, I'd rather just make one single promise to myself & that is to spend more time working & growing my relationships with J, my family, my friends & myself…oh, & the pups of course & spend ZERO time caring about things that simply don't matter .   Bring it, 30.